


fear

by asexuelf



Series: Emotions Challenge [5]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: BAMF Anders (Dragon Age), Elf/Human Relationship(s), Established Relationship, Fantastic Racism, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Fenris (Dragon Age), Interracial By Fantasy Standards, Minor Injuries, Misgendering, Neopronouns, Non-Justice Anders (Dragon Age), Nonbinary Anders (Dragon Age), On the Run, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Chantry Boom, Queer Themes, Templars (Dragon Age), Trans, fantastic as in fantasy not as in good ajkdsd, templars are bad at their jobs, the tags make this seem so dark ...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 10:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21159893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexuelf/pseuds/asexuelf
Summary: Anders and Fenris come across different kinds of people in their travels.





	fear

**Author's Note:**

> post da2. worldstate notes: hawke killed anders, but justice healed anders and either died or is in the fade once more. either way, no justice. ;n; r.i.p. now fenris and anders are on the run. most of my fics are more inner conflict than action, so this was an attempt at writing Things Actually Happening. hopefully all the details match up.
> 
> fenris' pronouns- ze/hir/hirs  
anders' pronouns - ae/aem/aer
> 
> if you don't like nonbinary people, you probably shouldn't read this. for both our sakes.

It isn't often that Fenris is shocked beyond speech, beyond words, but ze is now. Ze expected fire to rain down around them all, scorching the dark grey cobblestone. Ze expected a lightning storm to terrify even nature, the kind that leaves the taste of sky under the tongue and static beneath the skin for days after.

Ze did not expect Anders to pick up a blade.

Ae swings it through the air, unpracticed yet still competent, arching it down through the bandits ruthlessly. Beside aem, two Templars fight as well, their own swordplay far more efficient - and vicious. The viciousness of Templars is something that doesn't shock Fenris anymore, however. Ze's only surprised to see them alive.

For a moment, Fenris forgets that ze, too, is a part of the battle, and stares frozen at Anders' fluid movements, watches breathlessly at aer raw ability. On rare occasion, Anders will join Fenris in hir sword forms, following aer lover's careful stretches and strenuous exercises. Ae does well, occasionally joining aer lover for a quick spar, but Fenris has never seen aem like this.

Bandits fall so quickly, one would think the Maker's bride had willed them down. Though the Templars are quick with their large blades, they are not as quick nor as bloody as Anders. A couple realize that Anders is shedding the blood of their kin quicker than the sky sheds rain and blanch, calling orders in a language Fenris doesn't know. When they avoid Anders and start running his way, ze snaps out of hir reverie and grasps hir blade. Ze may not understand the tongue, but ze understands the fight.

Before long, every enemy is still and pale, leaving the two fugitives and two Templars. They're all covered in blood, sore, and exhausted.

But not so exhausted to keep Fenris from realizing the danger they're still in. Just as quickly as the dire moment passed, a new one has come upon them, and Fenris steps close to hir lover, quick to hold aer hand in hir own. Adrenaline courses through hir still, beating harshly in hir ribcage.

It's unlikely they'll be recognized with Anders' quick-growing beard and hir own dark-dyed hair, if the rumours of their appearance have even made it this far north so quickly, but the anxiety scratches inside hir gut anyways, like a rodent trying to get free. 

The two Templars finish passing a few words in the same tongue the bandits used (Nevarran? It doesn't sound Antivan, but Fenris isn't sure if they've crossed the border yet) then turn to Fenris and Anders.

"Thank you for your help," says one Templar, just as the other says, "What are you sorry bastards doing out here?"

The Templar elbows the other, clanking armor against armor in a way that makes Anders flinch. Fenris can't blame aem, hir ears twitch almost violently at the sudden clash, but ze lets go of aer hand to grasp aer shoulder, just in case.

_ I'm here, _ Fenris wants to say. _ You aren't alone. _

But that is not an option.

The Templar with the square chin looks at aem shrewdly, searching aer face (unshaven), aer clothes (sensible britches), aer stance (attempting to hide behind Fenris), perhaps even searching for the tell-tale signs of recent magic. Luckily, the Templar is exhausted from the fight and cannot use their abilities to check aem for a mana pool.

Instead, they ask, "What's with him?" and point to Anders.

There is an aura around aem, something that Fenris recognizes as fear and anyone else could assume is sketchiness. Shifty eyes and a subdued expression; not at all like hir Anders.

Fenris puts hir arm further around Anders. Whether the Templars assume a bodyguard or a lover, ze doesn't care, as long as they don't assume a mage. As long as ze and Anders can get out of this safe.

"He's just tired," The words stick in hir mouth like the acrid taste of bile. One must lie to survive, ze reminds hirself. One must do many things to survive. "We've been traveling for too long and he is unaccustomed to fighting."

The lie is a bad one, a panicked one, but ae has a thin frame and is almost sickly in pallor. The lie may work, even after all the blood ae spilled. 

The square-chinned Templar raises an eyebrow, but nods. Perhaps he knows what fear can make even an unpracticed fighter capable of. Or perhaps he believes Fenris means emotionally. A man can train for many years without ever spilling a drop of blood and be shaken when the day comes that he must.

"We could accompany you, if you'd like. Keep you safe for a while."

The other Templar, who has fair hair and a crooked nose, smacks him, another jarring clank of metal on metal. "Blighter. I'm not taking more work than I have to, Morris. We're already chasing bleeding robes."

Ser Morris sighs. "Then I suppose we couldn't accompany you. But, look here," He takes a coin purse off from his belt from somewhere in his skirts and empties what Fenris thinks is half of it. "Your friend there looks scared stiff. Buy him a drink down at the Red Prince."

"The Red Prince is shit."

"Can it, Ser Audrey." 

He gestures for Fenris to take the coin again and ze does, a quiet nod and a small whisper of gratitude between their hands and hir own coin purse. 

"Anyways," Ser Morris scratches at the back of his neck, awkward and unfulfilling in his gauntlet. Fenris would know. "There's a little village just that way called Rubella if you keep heading north along the river. That's where the Red Prince is - it's an inn. Good drink. No bugs. Kind folk."

Ser Audrey snorts. "He's from there. He's got _ bias_."

"We'll take refuge where we can get it," Anders admits, just a little bit of aer spark returning. Fenris wonders how much of it is honest and how much is in-character. "Thank you, Ser."

"Of course." Ser Morris smiles at aem. He is a kind, handsome fellow, but the glowing blade carved into his breastplate means danger.

Against Fenris' side, Anders shakes.

They shouldn't stay any longer - if the men find their stamina returning, they may discover what Anders is. Fenris can kill two Templars easily, but bringing attention to themselves is not wise - and murder, even when well committed, always brings unwanted attention. As much as Fenris wants to spill blood here, heart still pumping from the adrenalin of the fight before, ze has to be practical. Ze's injured, hir leg cut by a bandit's dagger. Ze has a mage to protect. So, ze holds Anders closer and nods to the two men before them.

"Thank you again, truly." Ser Morris waves a hand dismissively, but Fenris continues on. "We have faced many bandits on these roads, but those ones may have taken us from sheer number alone. You have my gratitude. For the coin and direction as well. But we must be going."

Ser Audrey is already walking away with hardly a wave behind him, but Ser Morris stays and nods. "Of course, though your friend there did most of the work." He smiles at Anders, who doesn't meet his eyes. "Well. We shall not keep you gentlemen. Safe travels to you."

"To you as well, Ser."

Fenris guides Anders away, careful to hide hir limp so the knights don't try to stick around any longer. Ze catches Anders watching hir sideways, aer eyes desperate and sad, but Fenris shakes hir head. Ae can't heal hir right now. It isn't safe.

Together, they travel along the water, continuing northward. When they arrive at the village, they continue through it. They can't afford to stay now, not where a Templar would recognize their faces.

They ask a child sitting on his porch if there are any neighboring villages. He answers yes, points to a bridge on the far side of the village, the end of the village so near to its beginning that they can see the color of the stone, and says that's where he was born, all the way down that dirt road and in the neighboring village when Mum was there for vegetables and went into labor. It's a little larger than Rubella, he says, with much bigger and more interesting buildings.

Fenris gives him a shiny silver coin and tells him to keep this a secret. 

The boy's eyes shine with excitement at being privy to a secret and he nods, solemn and grinning.

While they're passing over the bridge, Anders finally speaks. "I was frightened," ae whispers. "I didn't want them to hurt you."

Hir eyebrows knit together, but ze squeezes the hand in hirs lovingly. "It seemed unlike you. I thought for sure you'd…"

"What?" Ae laughs a humorless laugh. "I'd kill them? Throw fire at them and tell them they _ should _ fear me?" Aer hair fans around aem as ae shakes aer head, reddish and dark in the moonlight. "I'm not that angry young thing anymore, Fenris."

An ache takes Fenris' chest and ze breathes around it, hand in hir own held so tightly that Anders winces. "I will always protect you. Always."

"That's the part that frightened me."

They stop talking after that, the words hanging sharply in the air between them. They focus on traveling the moonlit road before them instead, the dirt beneath them soft and bare. Surrounding the path are herbs and flowers, but there are places where this fruit is noticeably bare, already plucked away by local apothecaries and healers and perhaps children.

This path must be taken often then, Fenris thinks. By lovers, ze wonders, sneaking from their work to the town over? It is a likely possibility, among many others.

The village ahead is indeed much larger than Rubella, though still more village than town. Some of the buildings here have more than one floor, including an impressive three-floored inn with a sign that Anders reads to hir as _ The Beleaguered Fool_. It seems an odd name for an inn to Fenris, but when the people who frequent your inn are most likely the village drunks, you get to call it whatever you like.

They walk into the inn together, still hand in hand. It's a little too north of Thedas for them to be showing such affection - even if they are not both presumed men, they are still an elf and a human - but Fenris finds ze doesn't want to let go. Aer words still ring in hir head.

The innkeeper takes one look at them and raises an eyebrow. "New faces. And one is an elf! How interesting."

Fenris keeps hir face carefully calm. _ Interesting _ is a lot better than _ unwelcome_, but depending on the person speaking the word, it still holds a threat in the middle.

"We're weary travelers. All the way from Antiva City." By now, the dark circles under Anders' eyes have sunken even deeper, making it easy to believe aem. Fenris is sure they both look like they've traveled all the way from the coast - in a way, they have.

"Antiva City! You don't look Antivan. Too fair, you are. Pink and pale."

Anders smiles at that, eyes warm. "I'm from Ferelden originally. Highever."

The innkeeper smiles at that, tucks long auburn hair behind a scarred ear. "Well, even further from home then. And I don't need to ask to know a Dalish when I see one! That makes two Fereldans, doesn't it? Aren't Dalish Fereldan?" The innkeeper laughs for seemingly lack of any better sound to make, then turns back to Anders. "He know Common?"

"I know Common." Anders squeezes hir hand, but ze's used to this by now. This provides a good cover anyhow, just in case someone comes around asking for an elf with strange tattoos. To the innkeeper, ze'll already be a different elf, especially with hir dyed-black hair. Soaking hir hair in deepstalker blood and bear fat had been disgusting, but once again, ze finds hirself grateful for the disguise. "I'm not speaking it very well. Very sorry. How much coin for rooming here?"

"Just one night," Anders adds. "And one bed."

The innkeeper tells them the price and Anders pretends to help Fenris count the coins out. She gives a big show of cheering hir for getting it right and offers to help with anything else ze might need. There's a water spigot in the main room, for example, she says, and she'll help them run a bath if they like. She also sells bandages and poultices for that leg, poor dear! Did he fall over? (To which Anders shakes aer head and says, "Old wound." At that, she nods sagely, because her husband was a soldier and sometimes gets an achy elbow at odd hours.)

Ze thanks her again each time in slanted Trade and finally, _ finally_, ze and Anders have a bed to lie in. Ae locks the door behind them as Fenris lets hirself fall onto the bed.

Ae still can't use magical healing, just in case the glow shines through the door or the smell of ozone wafts through the wooden walls, but Anders is an accomplished healer regardless. Ae takes their supplies from their packs, rubbing elfroot salve around the cut to keep it from getting infected before stitching it closed.

"I wish I'd had time to boil the needle," Anders confesses as aer partner bites into hir rolled up shirt. It's very few stitches, sure, but Fenris has never been good with needles. "I try to keep these sanitary in storage, but I do worry."

Fenris can't say much to that on account of the agony, but Anders doesn't seem to mind. Ae's never particularly _ talkative _ when healing, per se, just desperate to fill the silence. It helps aem focus, Fenris thinks. Helps aem get through the parts of healing that hurt with a clear head.

When they're finished and clean and lying down, the fight to keep hir eyes open is as impossible as a battle against three high dragons, but ze tries anyways.

"I love you," ze slurs. "I don't want you to be scared."

"I know, Fenris." Anders presses a whiskery kiss against hir cheek, making hir smile. "Things are… different now. Than they were before, I mean, like when I was young. Now I _ care _ about people, really care - and I don't have Justice to protect me from the vulnerability or the loss."

Fenris searches for aer mouth in the dark. Ze finds aer nose instead, but kisses it anyways. "You will not lose me. I'll make sure of that. Not to Templars or anything else."

"I'll hold you to that."

"I expect you will." 

And then oblivion takes hir and ze sleeps dreamlessly, warm in the arms of the one who loves hir. The trek will continue tomorrow, seemingly endless, but for now…

For now, they rest.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> if you don't like nonbinary people, please don't comment about it. save yourself the time.


End file.
